missing

of late, i realised i have been losing a little part of me

bit by bit

disorientated..

and i felt like i am missing something

something deep in my life..
jaded- I am..

i asked myself - what is it that is missing intensely in my life
and deep within me , a small vibe of passionate spirit flickered
and there i sensed that is the missing piece of me

well it was actually the cosmic connection which i am missing - in whole

i am missing home
the connection in being One with the Source/Light
that Divine connection...

and now i am longing for it
my heart is aching to be heading back to it
to be back on track

perhaps i am fated for something else
a different adventure
i need to keep pursuing it -no matter what
in the process of it, i could not help but to bear heartaches and the situation of being hurt..
and i learnt-that is how I grow.
 now, I have to carry on
"Keep going Mala"
this is what i have to tell  myself..
and in the process, i have learnt a great lesson that is - whatever that is beyond my capacity , i have no control/attachment to it.
thus i need to keep flowing at ease & gently..
with the Divine blessing,may it shall be..

away.

life has always been unpredictable.
yet fragile in its nature.
...where i get the mixed touch of life; both the heartwarming & heartwrenching.

and here i am
just a little broken being - living life by enjoying little things, meaningfully

broken-because i have lost my loved one,and keep losing them..
i am a loser.
and a lost being too
deep down
heartaches & tears became my friends.

i have learnt that there are certain matters that i can't do in my life..
i can't make people stay
i can't make them trust or even love me
i can't be good(enough) for them
i just can't be what they want of/from me

i have tried my best too -
sharing all the good moments
cherising fun together
precious moments
meaningful details
i have
tried
and now i surrender,feeling weak
and still believe that love will never die
i will always live in it - silently
and keep going on....

that is all i could do for now...

for your happiness.
i shall leave with no traces - and a heart full of love
and good memories too - of your gentle heart & touch

 i asked myself : why being in love - is hard?

i am just a soulful being, longing for divine love.

but there seemed to be no answer.and it is alright.
i guess it is meant to.
and i will keep telling myself  "It is okay.It is alright Mala"
to cry,let go and move on-slowly.that is the only way i could see.

i am going - far away.with no traces.
leaving.with the unconditional love.in me.
on my own.
away.